TRASH BOMBER!
I did something a little different this morning. I decided to take my camera with me on my run. I didn’t take it with me so that I could shoot pictures of all the crazy animals I encounter on my runs, though I did take a picture of my favorite three-legged/toothless black lab that likes to chase me. No, I brought the camera for a different reason.
I have written trashy columns in the past, and tried to add a touch of humor to the fact that Sadieville has a littering problem. This may be the trashiest column yet. I brought the camera to take pictures of what I get to see every day when I go for my run: trash.
I’ve been letting it get to me lately. My runs are supposed to make me feel refreshed and new but lately they are making me ill. Every time I see all the trash I want to puke. So as a form of therapy, I brought my camera to document the run. I will decide what to do with the pictures later.
So I am running along, stopping to take pictures of the worst ditches. I snap a shot of the couch and scattered cushions along the creek, the garbage piled near an underground drainage pipe, capture a few tires…and then I see it.
It sat there in the distance along the road like a tidy little Christmas gift. As I approached I snapped a few pictures, making sure you could see WAL-MART written on the side. When I reached it I looked down and shook my head. It was another trash bomb.
I am skeptical of anyone who has a clean car because I fear they are a ‘trash bomber’. You know, one of those litter-pigs (‘litterbug’ is too pretty sounding) that gathers all the trash from their car, puts it in a plastic bag, ties it in a knot and tosses it out their window as they drive.
I ran past the trash bomb, disgusted. But then I changed my mind. I decided to dissect the little bomb just to see what they tossed out. As I untied the knot I could feel my heart jumping a little as I realized there was junk-mail in the bag. I pulled out a letter from Dish Network and noticed the address of the recipient. I set the letter on top of the bag and took another picture so you could read the address. Then I put it back in the bag and tied it.
I took a picture of me holding the bag and smiling. Then I started running down the road and snapped another picture of my hand holding the bag as I ran. I was really getting into the ‘documentation’ side of my run.
As I passed mailboxes I made note of their address. I felt light on my feet as I approached each mailbox, knowing I was getting closer.
What I did next was illegal, and unless you can get ahold of my camera you have no proof that I did it. I will tell you that the pictures tell the whole story. I can tell you this: when the judge interrogates me about what I was doing it will probably go something like this:
Judge: “Mrs. Strong, you say you were running down the road?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Judge: “And you found someone’s mail on the side of the road?”
Me: “Yes, Sir!”
Judge: “And what did you do next?”
Me: “I returned the mail to the owner.”
Judge: “Did you take it up to the house and hand it to them?”
Me: “No Sir, I shoved it in their mailbox.”
End of Story.
Hahahaha! Perfect! Joe once had a dumper on his hunting land. He got really pissed & nasty…tore open all the bags, called the sherriff who came & same as you, found mail. Made the people come down & pick up every single piece of like 8 huge bags of garbage spread all over. Bet they didn’t litter again.
You rock.
Great Story cheeky! Love hearing about people as crazy/real as me. Thanks for taking the time to comment.