Peeing Like a Boy: The Painful Story Of How I Learned To Run

me and the assEveryone has their story, here’s mine.

I didn’t run track in high school. I didn’t run cross country either. Until I was thirty-two, the farthest I had ever run was two city blocks, and that was only because the police were chasing me out the back door of a party.

For me, running happened by accident. After my first child was born I became a bit of a cardio junkie in an effort to lose the baby weight. When I became pregnant with my second child, I did the elliptical five days a week up until my due date. When he was born I resumed the elliptical with a passion.>elliptical

For my 32nd birthday my husband bought me an IPod Shuffle. I was so pissed! What the hell was I supposed to do with an IPod? I watched TV when I worked out. I was never one to have headphones on and listen to music…I just didn’t care about music.Ipod shuffle

So one day I showed up at the gym, dropped my kids in the gym’s daycare and headed for the cardio room. The kids were only allowed two hours at the daycare so I had to hurry to get my workout in and shower before my time was up. When I got to the cardio room, all the elliptical machines were being used. I waited and waited and no one got off the machines. UGH! I was upset, this was eating into my two hours!

So I looked at the track. track2
I figured I could go walk the track while I waited. I grabbed my IPod Shuffle and headed out at a brisk pace. The music really pumped me up, so much so, that I actually broke into a bit of a jog. I had never jogged before.

Amazed that I made it around the track one entire time without stopping, I decided I would run around as many times as I could without stopping until I couldn’t run any more. With music blaring in my ear I started running. I ran one lap, then two, then another…I felt like I was dying but at the same time I felt like I was the most awesome person in the gym, cause I was RUNNING!

I finally came to a stop after reaching five whole laps. I was euphoric. I was on top of the world. I looked around to see if anyone else saw just how fricking amazing I was. I mean, they were just walking, but not me…I ran. I toot

I assumed I had run a couple of miles. I mean, it was five laps, maybe a lap is a mile, I didn’t know. I approached a little old lady walker to see if she had any idea how far a mile was on the track. She was really nice, probably honored to be talking to a runner, and explained that eleven and a half laps equal one mile.

WTF! Actually, I didn’t use that acronym, it wasn’t really around at the time but in my head I was saying the real words. How was it possible that I hadn’t even run a single mile!? I didn’t even make it one mile. I was so bummed. And then I decided to set a goal. One mile, non-stop.

I gathered up my will, cued up an especially inspirational song with a great beat and set out to run eleven and a half laps without stopping. I was a little smarter already, after my first five laps I had already learned the lesson of starting off too fast. With a much tamer pace I ran one lap then another keeping a focused look on my face and desire in my heart. As I entered the virgin area of lap six I tried not to let the unknown drag me down. By the time I was on lap eleven I was convincing myself that if I could do a mile, I could be president. I could literally do ANYTHING, if I could just run this mile. presidents-slideshow

The point marking eleven and a half miles was in my sight, I thought I would die before making it there. My legs were on fire and I could hardly breathe. I damn near pushed people out of the way so I wouldn’t need to waste any energy going around them. You could hear my sickly gasps for air all the way in the weight room…I was sure of it.

I did it. I made it eleven and a half laps, came to an abrupt stop nearly tripping an old man behind me, and held my hands up as if cutting the tape on a marathon. I did it. I was the BOMB! I simply could not wait to tell my husband, friends, and family (especially those on Facebook…poor thangs) just how awesome I was. I RAN A MILE!!

My life has been forever changed since that day I ran eleven and a half laps around the track at my local gym. Despite the fact I was unable to descend stairs without sitting on my butt for a full week after running my first mile, despite having to pee standing up like a boy because I could sit without assistance, despite the delayed onset of excruciating pain…I continued to run and still do to this day. It's been over six years. I've run every distance up to the marathon and evolved into a triathlete. Amazing how things can change so dramatically in one silly day.
peeing like a boy

That stupid IPod is to blame. Had it not been for my silly husband buying me a stupid gift that I would NEVER use, I probably never would have run on the track that day. My husband’s gift, gave me a gift that I am forever thankful for.

PS: I no longer run with music, it took me a few years to grow out of the need for music while running. I write books while I run now, the music is distracting:)
triathlon pic<

#running #triathlon #beginner #track #crosscountry #funny #Ipod #Race #elliptical

22 thoughts on “Peeing Like a Boy: The Painful Story Of How I Learned To Run

  1. Great story… Loved it! Took me back to my more youthful days when I lived in Marina Del Rey, CA – in a beautiful complex on Palawan Way, water all around , boats of all sizes moored or moving out to the sea. The apartment complex had a long oval road all the way around and one day I see this lady running past my upper level unit. Got a little busy but saw her run by again – and again and again…Now, at that time I was maybe good at most for three miles, the first mile being the toughest to get through. I put on my running gear, went out and met the lady, asked her how many times had she gone around the complex – eleven times, she told me, which represented as I recall over eleven miles… So, one night I go for it – get through the ‘wall’ on the first mile – get barely through the next ‘wall’ at about three miles – then, a funny thing happened: thought I could run all night (no more walls) – got a little scared that I could be harming my health so stopped at seven laps! Seven miles, at least, I ran, and truly believe I could have run longer…That’s a true story which your ‘IPod tale’ brought back…I never again ran seven miles – three to five, maybe…

    Anyway, didn’t mean to detract from your beautiful story but you produced a beautiful flashback for me. Besides, I get to say hello to one of my favorite author-friend ladies… So, hello, ‘Cat-lady’ and creator of great short story endings. Wishing you and your great family are all well, happy, and getting ready for a wonderful Kentucky Spring…

    Billy Ray

    P. S. I sometimes ‘pee like a girl’ — too damned tired to stand up!

  2. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for sharing that story. Sounds like you had a serious case of the runner’s high. I’m sure you could have ran most of the night…not sure you would have walked very well the next day however:) Thanks for sharing Billy Ray.

  3. Love this story!! I remember running with a gf in college on an indoor track and just collapsing after 3 miles or something like that and was like WOAH I’M NEVER GOING THAT FAR AGAIN. Fast forward 6 years and 3 miles is the shortest run I do!

  4. Great story – congratulations on your first mile, and every run you’ve done since. Love hearing stories about people running for the first time – it can seem so overwhelming and hard at first, but everyone can do it, and one day you look back on your first steps and realized just how far you’ve come. Amazing!

    • Yes in deed. I have met many runners through this blog that didn’t start running until they were older. We’ve come a long way baby. It’s amazing what we are capable of when we simply try. Thanks for commenting and reading my blog Dave. Here’s to #Running

    • Glad to know I’m not the only one who pushes walkers out of the way Mikki. But yeah, it doen’t go well…to many broken hips and stuff:P Thanks for commenting and reading.

  5. Great post. Brought back memories of how I started my running career 4 months prior to my 40th b-day. 🙂

    I would welcome the opportunity to share my story as a guest in your blog.

  6. Thank you for sharing your story. You are an inspiration to all. I am sure everyone reading your story had a smile on their face remembering their experiences getting through that 1st mile. I love the way you express honesty & humor (peeing like a boy). I will be thinking of your story each and every time I hit a wall trying to add on the extra mile. Look forward to reading more posts. God bless!

  7. Haha that’s awesome. 🙂 I started because I couldn’t swim anymore (no pool access). took me a couple of tries to actually get into it. And then I bought a treadmill and felt obligated so I didn’t waste my money. It took me probably a good 4-6 months to run a solid mile.

  8. You my friend just made my night! I absolutely LOVE your stories. And GUESS WHAT!? I just ran my FIRST MILE EVER last Wed. Well ok I walked and ran but I DID IT non stop. Your right you feel like a ROCK STAR 😉

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